Thugs can't tell it's not bacon.

Seriously, don't.

You guys remember the Punisher Armory, right?  Ten issues of loving descriptions of every firearm, edged weapon, and explosive device in the Punisher's arsenal.  Jeez, ten issues.  People sure loved the Punisher in the '90s.  But even that exhaustive tome didn't cover one of the most devastating weapons in Frank Castle's one-man war on crime. Read on to learn more.

Sal's Sunday Punch #19

It's a very special herpetological edition of Sal's Sunday Punch!  I've just seen Amazing Spider-Man for the second time, so I'm in the mood for some Lizard!  In 1996's Spectacular Spider-Man #237, written by Todd DeZago and drawn by Sal Buscema and John Stanisci, a now-powerless Peter Parker is in the hospital, and a certain Curt Connors has dropped by to offer his services to his old friend.  But where Connors goes, the Lizard will surely follow!  And he's looking a little...finnier than usual.  Unfortunately for Ben Reilly, he still hits as hard as he always did.

Clever girl.

Making matters worse, the Lizard's arms and legs aren't the only limbs at his disposal...

Sal's Sunday Punch #13

Long time no see, pugilism devotees!  At long last, it's time for another Sal's Sunday Punch!  And since I'm busy reading Maximum Carnage to complete the long-awaited (long-awaited by me, and possibly my mother) third instalment of Who Watches the Nightwatch, here's a little chin-music from Spectacular Spider-Man #202, part nine (of fourteen) of that terrible, terrible crossover.  For a little context, Carnage broke out of prison and is terrorizing New York City with some c-list supervillains, and Spider-Man's teamed up with Venom and various other guys to fight him...and that's pretty much it. It's disappointing, because it features a ton of creators I normally like (J.M. DeMatteis, Mark Bagley, David Michelinie, and of course Sal), but just doesn't earn its hefty pagecount, although the Spectacular issues, by Sal and DeMatteis, come closest to being good.  But anyway, that's a topic for another day.

For a series that's 90% fight scenes, there is a disappointing paucity of Sal Buscema Punches, even though Sal drew three issues of it.  Maybe his heart wasn't quite in it - and who could blame him?

You and me both, Spidey.
(Spectacular Spider-Man #202, written by J.M. DeMatteis, art by Sal Buscema)

Sal's Sunday Punch #11

It's a special pugilistic Sal's Sunday Punch!  It's 1995, and Peter Parker is accused of murder most foul!  (Unsurprisingly, the murder was committed by one of Peter's clones.)  And even though he's Peter's friend, Bugle reporter Ben Urich has to look into Parker's past.  As written by Titanic Tom DeFalco, penciled by Our Pal Sal Buscema, and inked by...uh, Ginormous Jimmy Palmiotti in Spectacular Spider-Man #225, Ben interviews Peter's high school principal about a little boxing match between Parker and his nemesis Flash Thompson...

It's the eye of the spider, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival...

What a jab!  Now, this is a flashback to Amazing Spider-Man #8, written by Stan "The Man" Lee and drawn by Sturdy Steve Ditko.  Let's see how the original stacks up...

Prediction: pain.

Well, Sal's rendition was more dynamic, but on the other hand, I love that goofy Ditko expression on Flash's face.  Let's call this one a draw.

Spider-Island Spider-Mannotations Supplemental - Who the Hell is the Gwen Stacy Clone?

If you're reading this blog, you probably know who Gwen Stacy is.  Spider-Man's girlfriend, pulled off the tricky hairband/go-go boots combo, father killed during Spider-Man/Doc Ock battle, later chucked off a bridge, source of constant guilt.  Pretty straightforward.  (I could also talk about the kids she had with Norman Osborn, but that's a conversation for another day - or preferably, never.)

But what about her clone?  She recently appeared in current Spider-crossover Spider-Island, only to be promptly killed off.  If you aren't a longtime reader, you probably weren't quite sure who she was, why she was still around, or why she was called "Joyce Delaney".  But that's why I'm here.  I'm a living fount of Spider-Man minutia, and I'm going to share it with you whether you like it or not.  So sit back and relax as I tell the terrible tale of the Gwen Stacy clone!  Also, you better make yourself a sandwich or something.  This could take a while.

Yeah, you better get used to saying that, Spidey.
(Amazing Spider-Man #144, art by Ross Andru)

Sal's Sunday Punch #9

What's better than a regular Sal Buscema Punch?  Why, someone Sal Buscema Punching a Nazi, of course.

From Spectacular Spider-Man #196, courtesy of JM DeMatteis and Sal Buscema, geneticist/jerk Baron (Helmut) Zemo has captured Edward Whelan (who he'd mutated into the cannibal rat-man Vermin) and Whelan's psychiatrist Ashley Kafka.  He's trying to make Edward turn back into Vermin, and he's also stopped wearing his mask, letting everyone see his gross melty face (courtesy of a dip into a vat of boiling glue). It all goes pear-shaped, and he tried to make his getaway, but Spider-Man is not about to let a Nazi face go unpunched.

Don't worry, he looked like that before Spider-Man punched him.

It ends well for pretty much everyone - Whelan gets cured, Spider-Man gets to punch a Nazi and also doesn't get eaten by a horrific man-rat, Dr. Kafka de-ages like 20 years and loses 40 pounds before the next time she turns up (seriously, it's weird), and even Zemo, a few years later, sets himself on a path to become...well, an anti-hero at least, as leader of the Thunderbolts.

Sal's Sunday Punch #7

It's a very special CLONETASTIC Sal Buscema Punch!  In 1996's Spectacular Spider-Man #234, amidst the 6-part Blood Brothers storyline, Ben Reilly's been framed for arson after the Daily Grind, the coffee shop where he worked, burned down.  To clear his name, he's got to find the real arsonist - the Hobgoblin!  After fighting past his cyborg flunkies, he faces Hobgoblin, the recent recipient of a highly-unfortunate '90s cyborg makeover...

Save me, Tim Burton!
(Spectacular Spider-Man #234, written by Todd DeZago, art by Sal Buscema and John Stanisci)

Unfortunately, it turns out that the Hobgoblin isn't the real mastermind - he's working for the shadowy Gaunt!  Who it turns out was working for an even shadowier guy, but that's another story...

Sal's Sunday Punch #5

Because it's still Sunday somewhere, it's a special COSMIC-POWERED Sal's Sunday Punch!

In 1990's Spectacular Spider-Man #160, written by Gerry Conway with art by Sal Buscema, we're in the middle of Acts of Vengeance, the Marvel event where the villains swapped heroic enemies, in the hopes that, say, if Boomerang couldn't beat Spider-Man, maybe he could beat Hawkeye.  Spoiler: no, he cannot.  Anyway.  Further screwing up the plan is Spider-Man getting crazy-powerful cosmic Captain Universe powers.  See, Captain Universe isn't one guy - there's this powerful energy entity...thing, the Uni-Power, and it gloms onto someone who needs it for some nebulous purpose.  Anyway.  Dr. Doom's noticed this, and he's all about stealing cosmic powers from guys, so he's hauled TESS-1, a super-robot from the '40s, and he's sent it to fight Spider-Man.  See, it was built in case guys like Captain America turned against the government - TESS stands for Total Elimination of Super-Soldiers.

Anyway.

What's important is that there's this robot, and Spider-Man has to punch it really hard.

So hard.

Sal's Sunday Punch #3

It's a very special Incredibly '90s Sal Buscema Punch!

"It's okay, I guess.  I've been punched harder."
(Spectacular Spider-Man #219, written by Tom DeFalco and Todd DeZago, art by Sal Buscema and Scott Hanna) 

In today's installment, from 1994's Spectacular Spider-Man #219, Spider-Man's been poisoned by the evil avian duo of the Vulture and the Owl (in an amusingly Silver-Agey touch, he was scratched by an actual vulture with poison-soaked talons), and he's teamed with Daredevil to find the cure!  Too bad for him that there is no cure.  And, you know, because it's 1994, Daredevil is wearing an armored costume and keeps insisting that he isn't Matt Murdock because he faked his own death with his Infinity War doppelganger, and the Vulture is wearing an armored costume and is also young, having drained the life energy of Peter Parker's robot spy mom.  Comics, man.

Sal's Sunday Punch #1

New regular feature here at 80-Page Giant - Sal's Sunday Punch!  Most Sundays, we'll post a Sal Buscema Punch for your reading enjoyment!

"You didn't save me any mashed potatoes?"
 (Spectacular Spider-Man #189, written by J.M. DeMatteis, art by Sal Buscema)

In this debut installment taken from Spectacular Spider-Man #189, Harry Osborn's holding a special dinner for his wife Liz, son Normie, and brother-in-law Mark Raxton (aka the Molten Man)...in a walled-in dungeon, complete with a huge portrait of his crazy-ass father Norman.  Oh, and did I mention that he's doing this while dressed in full Green Goblin regalia and ranting about the Osborn legacy?  Spider-Man eventually shows up, fashionably late; once Harry totally goes off the deep end, Peter shows him what he thinks of his hosting abilities.

The Sal Buscema Punch

(Spectacular Spider-Man #149, written by Gerry Conway, art by Sal Buscema)

Sal Buscema has basically drawn everything at this point. If Marvel published a book in the '70s or '80s, Sal Buscema probably penciled or inked an issue of it. He's always been one of my favorite artists - he draws the angriest Hulk, the craziest Green Goblin, and the punching-a-guy-in-the-face-iest Spider-Man. The fights in a Sal Buscema book are invariably crazy - people hit each other so hard there's a little explosion at the point of impact, all while screaming at each other with characteristically angular, over-the-top facial expressions. And when that fight's coming to an end, Spider-Man's going to punch a guy so hard that the guy's gonna flip backwards, a gape-mouthed expression of shock on his face. This happens a lot - so much that I have dubbed it the Sal Buscema Punch.